“Children in foster care are juvenile delinquents.” “You have to be married and heterosexual to foster.” “Pet owners can’t take in children in foster care.” “Only wealthy people can afford to foster.”
You’ve probably heard statements like these—but are they true? Misconceptions about foster care often discourage potential foster parents from exploring this path. In reality, many of these myths couldn’t be further from the truth.
Below, we debunk 20 of the most common foster care myths to give you a clearer picture of what it really means to be a foster parent.
20 Common Foster Care Myths
Foster care is surrounded by myths that can prevent loving, capable people from considering fostering. The truth is, many of these misconceptions are simply not true.
Myth #1: You have to be married and heterosexual to be a foster parent.
This is completely false, on both counts. You can be LGBTQ+, heterosexual, single, or married. However, you must have the energy and time to care for a child.
Myth #2: You should be very wealthy to be a foster parent.
Also false. There are no specific income requirements to become a foster parent, but you should be financially stable with a steady income source.
Myth #3: You must own your own home.
Again, this is not true; you can rent or own your home to be a foster parent. However, each child in the home must have their own bed.
Myth #4: Most children in foster care are juvenile delinquents.
It is a common misconception that children in foster care are there because they did something wrong or broke the law. In reality, children enter foster care through no fault of their own. Most often, it is due to concerns related to abuse, neglect, or because their parents or guardians are unable to provide a safe and stable home environment. Foster care provides children with stability and support while their families work toward reunification or a long-term plan.
Myth #5: You can only foster a child with the same ethnicity as yours.
You can foster a child of any racial or ethnic background.
Myth #6: Fostering is very expensive and I have to cover the costs on my own.
Through various resources, many costs—such as food, clothing, and allowances—are covered or reimbursed.
Myth #7: I have to provide medical insurance for the child.
In terms of healthcare costs, the state of Virginia provides coverage for all medical, dental, and mental health needs of children in foster care.
Myth #8: You have to be under 50 years of age to be a foster parent.
There is no age limit to fostering as a parent, but you must be at least 21 years old.
Myth #9: children in foster care are “unwanted” or “troubled.”
In reality, children in foster care are there due to circumstances beyond their control, like neglect or family instability (perhaps a parent has been incarcerated) which creates circumstances whereby they cannot stay together as a family unit.
Myth #10: You cannot have a full-time job and be a foster parent.
Many foster parents work outside the home and the state of Virginia provides child care assistance to help defray the costs.
Myth #11: Foster families cannot have pets.
This is false, but you do need to provide a record of up-to-date vaccinations for your pet. Many children respond positively to pets as they provide comfort to children who have experienced trauma.
Myth #12: You cannot foster a child who is a relative.
False. Since they are familiar with the child’s history and are familiar faces, relatives of a foster child are preferred as long as they can provide stability and safety for the child.
Myth #13: It would be too expensive for me to become a foster parent.
The state of Virginia provides a stipend to reimburse childcare costs to help with food, clothing, personal hygiene products, gifts, or other expenses related to raising a child. Additionally, there are many charitable organizations that offer services and products to support foster families.
Myth #14: You must already be a parent to become a foster parent.
Many foster parents do not have children of their own. Whether you have children or not, there are training opportunities and resources to help you navigate foster parenting.
Myth #15: children in foster care can not overcome their past.
False. All children are flexible, resilient, and adaptable especially when placed in a foster home that provides structure, love, and a supportive environment.
Myth #16: I can’t foster because I would get too attached.
If you feel this way, you’re likely an incredibly caring and empathetic person—which is exactly the type of caregiver that a foster child needs! Plus, you will have the satisfaction of knowing your actions helped a child come out on the other side of a challenging life situation.
Myth #17: I can’t be a foster parent because of my faith—or lack of faith.
While faith can play a significant role in the lives of some foster parents, it might not in others. Therefore religious beliefs are not a requirement or a deterrent for someone to become a foster parent.
Myth #18: Teenagers are very difficult to foster.
The age of the child doesn’t necessarily dictate how well they will fare in foster care. Many look at it as an opportunity to move forward in a more supportive and caring environment and therefore end up doing better in school, being more active in their community, and even holding part-time jobs.
Myth #19: As a prospective foster parent, I cannot choose the age or gender of the child.
While you cannot select a specific child, you can specify preferences for age range and gender. For example, you could state that you would prefer a boy of 5 to 9 years old or a girl of 12 to 15 years old. Just remember, however, that setting very specific preferences could delay the placement of a child in your home.
Myth #20: A foster child or teen living with me will negatively affect my biological children.
Whenever a new child enters a home (through a new birth, a blending of families, or a foster care placement, for example) there’s an inevitable change in the family dynamic.
The child or children who’ve been in the home now have to share their home, possibly a bedroom, and of course their parents’ attention and affection. However, the foster family’s biological children will grow and mature in remarkable ways—plus will have a role in positively changing the life of a foster child forever.
Foster Care: Separating Fact from Fiction
There are over 350,000 youths in foster care across the United States. Through no fault of their own, they cannot live with their biological families and need a safe, stable environment while their parents work through challenges.
Opening your home to a foster child can change their life—and yours. If you’re ready to take the first step or simply want to learn more, explore the resources below.