We recently received the following note from a foster-to-adopt parent. As you will read, the lives of Lyle* and Marshall*, two boys, have been permanently changed.

“We had Marshall’s Independent Education Plan re-evaluation meeting this morning.  On every single assessment: cognitive, behavioral, emotional, developmental, social, and academic he had a perfect score.  There is not one aspect of his life that was determined to be out of norm or impacting his education.  His guidance counselor believes that one or more of his teachers might actually recommend him for honors classes next year in high school!

As the school social worker and school psychologist reviewed his assessments, they discussed some of Marshall’s history, much of which the teachers and administrators didn't know about.  The more they understood what Marshall has overcome, the more impressed they were with my awesome son.

I am quite aware that we have much to watch out for and will always need to pay close attention to Marshall’s needs, but I wanted to share this with you not only as good news, but also as a way of saying THANK YOU to each of you for the role you played in bringing Marshall to where he is.  Going into this, there were many unknowns and uncertainties and I felt that our entire team was dedicated and committed to making this happen - and it did! 

He's home, he's safe, he's doing great and most of all, he's proven to all of us that he really is that awesome kid he always wanted to be.  I imagine there are days when you struggle to convince yourselves that what you do is having the impact you want it to.  I know you're not all in this work for the fame and fortune.  Please, the next time you can't get through to a kid, or they slide backwards, or you have to put up with an ornery foster parent like me, think of Marshall and our family and the beautiful new beginning that's been created and know that what you do matters.

You will all have my undying gratitude for giving me the gift of Lyle and Marshall. I am truly convinced that these boys are God's most special and treasured angels and those of you who are called to bring them from darkness into light are especially blessed. – Jeremy

*Names changed for privacy and protection of the children

We all begin our journeys right from the start. It is the path that we take that decides our consequences and faults. Some of us are fortunate and others are less fortunate, for me it was hard to look at what I had then and what I have now. My new beginning started when I was adopted on March 14, 2008, standing in the same courtroom where I had faced my past fears regarding my birth family. The most exciting thing for me was the new start and to have a family that wanted to love me for me. It wasn't always easy; my adoptive parents and I went through a lot to get where we are now. There is no such thing as a perfect family. At times I didn't want to accept the fact that someone loved me. I had become bitter because in the past people did not want to get close to me.

Sometimes it has been hard for me to not know how my life would unfold. Now I know that sometimes we just have to see where life takes us. I have often asked myself, “When should I give up?” I now know the answer is “Never. We always wait for hope.”

It doesn't sound encouraging but in my case I never lost hope, I just gave up. Many times I wanted to reach out to my biological parents and just tell them that I love them. I wanted to be like a normal child; I didn't want to hide in the closet and hug big bunches of clothes pretending that they were my parents. My self-esteem was so low. I didn't like to smile because I always thought other children were laughing at me or whispering at my old ugly clothes or the way I smelled. I never understood the why God would give the most beautiful gift of a child to someone and for them to turn around and try to break them or destroy them.

I have been tossed from home to home and thrown in hospitals for the mentally ill. I had a lot of time to think of what it would be like if I was a normal child instead of just me with all these problems.

One of my family members once sent me a card and receiving it made me feel like I was a real person. I tore it open with pride. It was a nice card with a reindeer on it for Christmas. I opened it and it read, "Hey sweetie, we are praying for you and hope that you get well soon." My gut sank. Was I really the sick one?

I never really understood my parents making promises that things would get better but they never did, but probably the hardest part has been losing the opportunity to spend every moment with my sisters and brother. I could accept the thought of losing my parents but not my siblings; they meant so much to me, more than anyone could understand.

I never knew my birth father and getting older didn't make it much easier. I only had one picture of my birth father growing up; he looked like me with his brown hair, brown eyes, thin, and his complexion. My stepdad was very jealous of my birth father. He didn't want anything from the past in the house: one day he ripped up the picture of my birth father, but it still remains in my mind to this day. When he was angry, we all had to pay for it.

Despite what my mom had been through, good memories took over the bad. Too bad it wasn't my case. My ideal was to never forgive or forget. The last time I saw my mom was at court. The attorneys were leading her down the hall and she asked them if she could see us, the attorney's told her “no.” That day I feared having to go back with my birth mom because in my heart I knew she would never get better. I had to accept the facts but this was hard for me and my siblings. I could handle the beatings if I knew that she would realize that she was not going to break me. Her words spoken in the courthouse that day still linger in my mind. She said, “I have all of your rooms fixed up and this is your new daddy. Don't listen to these people you know that these people are lying and filling your head with crap. We are going home soon.” Then as tears were rolling from my face, I became sick to my stomach and she left.

For many of us young teens or children, some of us wonder would if have been different if I or my birth parents had done something different.  All I wanted to hear, and even now that I am 18 years old, is for my mother to tell me that she didn't love me. Maybe hearing this would ease my heart knowing that she could have loved an animal more than us. I choke on my thoughts and feelings of that.

As I went in and out of foster homes I couldn't understand my behavior, like when I ran away and when I cut myself, or not letting people get close to me. I thought that the foster parents did it for the money and not because they cared. Years later I found out that my thoughts about that were not true, there are still good, kind, loving parents out there that don't have thoughts of playing with children’s emotions. I would always tell my sister, “Don’t get close to your foster parents because they don’t care. When I get older I will take care of you.” Now times have changed and my heart is at ease and my sister is with a really good family and I am a very lucky girl. It is amazing to see how parents can make a difference. It doesn't matter how many times your heart gets broken, let it make you stronger. You can be better and more successful than how you were raised. Don't go down the roads that might get you stuck along the side.

I didn't want to take time to make good choices and I wish I could take it back my choices of getting into pills, running away, cutting myself, and fighting the police. In so many ways abuse does a number on your emotions. Many people will never understand that, and many children or teens will keep their feelings inside and blame themselves. When I watch the news or read the paper I always make a point to say to myself, “Someone had it worse than me I'm not alone in this.”

If your heart is thinking of helping someone then don't think twice about it. We all need hope and we all need someone by our side saying, “I'm here for you no matter how bad it gets.” My life has cuts and bruises but it is healing slowly and that is all that matters. I know that am going to make something out of myself because I know I can.

One thing that my birth mother couldn't take away from me was my pride and my big heart. One day I will truly help someone despite my past and how great or small my problems were. I still keep in contact with my siblings and we spend time together when we can. I wish that people could understand their problems like I do but all that matters is that I understand them and I am here for them.  What matters are the ways a family stays together, not how it falls apart or tries to. I have to give a special thanks to all the people with great big hearts for helping me along the way no matter how bad the situation got. I know that they are still here for me and that makes it all better. I hope you will help a child or teen like someone helped me; you may not think that it makes a big difference but truly and honestly it does!!! There is nothing that you can't do. Inspire, live, and learn from your mistakes. Laugh, grow, and be happy in whatever you do. Help someone!!! We children and teens need you!!!

*Names changed for privacy and protection of the children

I was a single mother with two biological sons, EJ and Kyle, and working with special needs children in an elementary school. I never intended to become a foster parent or adoptive parent. That is until I met Jarel. At the time Jarel was a nine-year-old autistic student of mine. He was in need of a loving home that would be able to care for him and his unique challenges. So after thinking and praying about it, I completed all the necessary paperwork and took Jarel into my home as a foster child.

Not long after, I met Xavier, who also had become a student of mine. Xavier, age eight, also had a sister, Patricia Jr., who was nine.  Both siblings were in the care of UMFS. So in 2002, I began working with UMFS as a Treatment Foster Parent. Then in February 2006, another sibling group came into my home from UMFS, Kevin (22 months) and Abigail (5 months). All these children were so special to me; I knew I needed to make their placements permanent. I adopted Jarel, Xavier, Patricia Jr., Kevin, and Abigail through UMFS.

Since becoming a foster parent and adoptive parent, my life has changed and is ever-evolving. I still remember when I brought Patricia Jr. home; she was in the 4th grade. She is now 16, was nominated for the National Honor Society, and will finish high school in 2011. I am so proud of her accomplishments. Kevin is now five years old and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. Abigail, now four years old, will start pre-school this fall.

Of course, having a total of seven children has been an interesting challenge, but I have met so many wonderful people who share my love for children and caring for those in need. And of course, UMFS has helped me along the way. From day one they have been professional and have given me the skills and knowledge I have needed to be successful. I went through a crisis with one of my sons a while back; it was rough, but UMFS staff came to my aid and got me through. UMFS has empowered me to play a vital role in family decision making. Even now, though I adopted all five children, UMFS still provides support services and encouragement to my family.

So many children are growing up in terribly abusive and neglectful situations; their situations are dire. I hope you will consider supporting UMFS by becoming a foster/adoptive parent or by providing financial support. Your financial support helps find loving homes for children, provides training and support services for treatment foster families and adoptive families, and so much more to families and children like mine. Reach out today and you will truly Touch a Life. Create a Future.